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[ souji has noticed that something was off about tatsuma for a few days now but he didn't dig into it. he figured that maybe tatsuma just had an off day or maybe he's just tired. after all, the past month hasn't exactly been easy for everyone but when this strange mood and distant behaviour passed into october, souji knew that it wasn't just nothing. moments of silence aren't that uncommon between them, considering how quiet tatsuma can be, but they never last this long. ]

[ so while tatsuma sits with cream-san, souji takes the seat next to him on the couch and playfully nudges him with his shoulder. ]

... penny for your thoughts?

[He blinks a couple times, pulling himself away from those thoughts, resurfacing.]

Oh. Umm...

[There's a small, awkward smile as he reorients himself.]

...Memories, I guess. [Nothing too uncommon there, at least.]

[ ah, memories. well, those come up pretty often. as members of retrospec, it's pretty much unavoidable to receive some unpleasant memories now and then so souji understands immediately. ]

Do you want to talk about it?

[ souji offers a choice, not wanting to push tatsuma if he doesn't want to talk about it but at the same time, he wants to help him deal with whatever he remembered. ]

[Tatsuma pauses for a moment, thinking it over.]

...We were... probably tricked. Myself, and my past.

[ ??? ]

About what?

[He takes a breath, not meeting Souji's eyes.]

My master - the one who taught me how to fight - sent me to Tokyo to bide my time. I didn't understand then, but I thought he'd tell me once it was time.

Recently, I remembered meeting him again. Everything was... wrong. [It's hard to explain beyond that.] Everyone was fighting, and he told me...

The reason he trained me to fight was to be an assassin. Like my father.

[He lets that hang in the air. With his powers, his strength...]

[ an assassin... that can definitely be difficult and although souji has very much separated himself from the person in his memories (it did take him a very long time to do that, though), he can understand that it can still be hard to move on from things like this. ]

... do you remember anything after that? About being an assassin?

[He shakes his head.]

No. He was trying to kill me. For being... defective.

He sent me to Tokyo to seek people out to kill. But those people... were my friends.

[It had been so overwhelming. His past self could hardly keep up, much less himself now, lacking so many memories. So much context.]

[ souji pauses, trying to examine tatsuma's face, but then silently, he moves his hand to place over tatsuma's. ]

... that must have been difficult. Remembering something like that.

[ and he can only assume that tatsuma was "defective" for not wanting to kill his friends. ]

My past self couldn't believe it. I don't remember much about him - but he didn't look like that kind of killer in my other memories, either.

[He closes his eyes, expression tight and lacking in the usual air of peace he seems to give off. Under Souji's hand, Tatsuma's curls up, almost a loose fist.]

I don't know... he said a lot. It was hard to focus, and there's... still a lot I don't know about my other self.

[Though they were still undeniably so similar in so many ways. Hurt, too, in the same ways.]

[ souji's hand tightens around tatsuma's and he moves in even closer. ]

Does it bother you? Not knowing about your other self?

[ souji's normally found the opposite reaction, where people are bothered by the fact that they know too much about their past selves... ]

[Tatsuma gives a short nod.]

Mm. I know... we're living different lives. But we're a lot alike.

I don't think he wanted to be an assassin. But he had a lot of powers... and I don't think even he knew about all of them. [There was a man, he remembers, who had to explain what had happened to them.]

So... Now I'm not sure who he was. Or maybe... who he became after all that.

[It's strange. How both he and his past self just moved forward blindly. And now, how that lax approach may have come back to bite them both.]

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