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[ She feels a surge of both dread and relief when she sees Souji walk up. He doesn't seem to be in bad shape physically; but the solemn look on his face speaks volumes. She isn't used to seeing him without his usual smile, and it makes her feel uneasy. She was the one that called him out here, she can't lose her nerve now.

Lucille tries to put a smile on her face when he speaks up, but it comes out more like an uncomfortable grimace. Accurate to how she feels, but not what she wants to put out there. ]

Hey...

[ Riveting. She forces herself to maintain eye contact. ]

Thanks, for meeting me out here. ...You really didn't have to.

[ was this meeting done under any other circumstances, he might have tried to put on a fake smile for her as well but he chooses not to. he thinks that she deserves to actually see who he truly is, rather than giving her some fake front that he always puts on for others. with his hands by his sides, he shakes his heads. ]

No, you deserved a meeting.

[ it's really the least thing he could do. he was going to actually contact her so he could speak to her but she already beat him to the punch... ]

... do you want to start or should I?

[ They're on the same page; even if the idea of revealing this side of herself to anyone else made her want to crawl out of her skin. Lucille hates this, but she knows it's necessary for either of them to move forward.

Normally she would jump at the chance to get the ball rolling, but when he gives her a choice, she falters. Her gaze slides away, focusing on the back of a nearby tree trunk for lack of anything else. ]

...Go ahead.

[ She's scared to death of what he's going to say. ]

[ souji normally doesn't need time to compose himself or to think about what he has to say. he's been gifted with the talent to gather his thoughts and to put them into nice elegant little words (so, in short form, he's good at talking) but right now... he hesitates. it's one thing to charm someone with a few words of flattery and a smile but it's another to talk about what you've done wrong and to own up to something of such terrible magnitude. ]

[ he glances downwards for a moment and he begins to move his right hand, running his thumb over his fingers and clenching and unclenching his hand. it takes him a second before he speaks, though he doesn't look away any longer. he looks her dead in the eye. ]

... An apology isn't going to fix or ignore anything that I've said and done to you last month, and I'm not going to hide behind the virus or Retrospec as an excuse for what happened. What I've said was completely out of line and what I've done was worse. If you never want to talk or see me ever again, I completely understand, and you also don't have to forgive me for what happened. You were in the right and I wasn't.

[ Lucille forces herself to look up at him, taking a few deep, stabilizing breaths as she takes in what he has to say. Everything from the way he holds himself to the intensity of his stare hurt terribly, and it's by sheer force of will and respect for what he has to say that keeps her silent. She wants to tell him that it's Fine—she's Fine, he's Fine, everything is Fine.

But that would be such a blatant disrespect of what he's trying to do here, and is why she swallows down hard. Looks away not out of disregard for what he's said, but because she has to get this right.

He's laid his heart out bleeding, and is waiting for a response. Reprimand. Blame. ]

You're... very quick to throw things away, or hide yourself when you feel like you're burdening someone. Aren't you?

[ Her words come out slow, and surprisingly clumsy for someone who could normally captivate a room. ]

You weren't wrong. You weren't wrong about anything you said about me. But...

[ Lucille looks up, the first glimmer of real emotion on her face. She isn't crying, but it's only through sheer force of will that she's keeping herself together. ]

But it makes me so angry that you think I'm going to just give up on you because we fought like that, or because you're struggling. Is that the kind of person you think I am?

[ She's angry, but she's so relieved. ]

Edited (Messes with this a little bit) 2018-11-15 00:30 (UTC)

[ "you're quick to hide yourself when you feel like you're burdening someone"... souji's glad that he's good at keeping on a poker face when he needs to because that cuts deep. it's not often that he's called out on his flaws and unhealthy habits so when it happens, he's unprepared for it. luckily, he knew that they were probably going to discuss it to some degree so he was ready for it, but it still stings when someone pokes at a spot so soft and hidden. ]

[ he shakes his head at her question, his right hand clenching into a fist for a few seconds. ]

No, but you shouldn't be the person to suddenly forgive things of that magnitude.

[ didn't he say this earlier last month? how she shouldn't let people push her around and stomp all over her? ]

It's not giving up on me. It's learning to set your boundaries. If it's something you need to do then you should do it.

[ Lucille shouldn't be surprised when he focuses on that—how quick she is to forgive someone who has hurt her, or done something wrong. She isn't, but his words still make her jaw set tightly as she forces herself not to break eye contact with him.

He says it like it's so easy, but he really doesn't understand. ]

I've always been that type of person. It's just... easier that way.

[ A lie, but one she's firmly convinced herself of. She quickly moves on, not giving him a chance to question. ]

And I don't see the point of holding a grudge over something you had no control over.

[ She knows she's picking a very specific circumstance, and a very narrow argument. She's directing the conversation elsewhere, and is not proud of that fact at all. ]

[ the thing about talking to someone who shares very similar habits and traits to his own, he can notice when someone is trying to quickly shift away from a topic or a sentence to avoid questioning or discussion. ]

I might not have had any control over how I said it, but it doesn't change that what I've said was still something that I thought. That I've felt and unfairly... projected onto you.

[ suddenly, his shoulder starts to ache terribly and it feels like it's been dislocated all over again. he can't help but raise a hand to it, gripping down hard on it to try and subdue the pain. he clenches his teeth and takes in a sharp breath before he continues. ]

... You probably already know that we're more similar than we originally thought...

[ Projected on her? That... puts a few things in perspective, and while it doesn't explain away the fact that he had those thoughts about her, it explains part of why it was such a visceral response.

Lucille presses her lips together, trying hard not to look down or away from him. She owes him that, listening fully and not forcefully smiling through this. He deserves an authentic response. ]

I didn't realize it until we started fighting. But that doesn't justify what I said or did either.

[ A quietly sardonic and self-aware smirk tugs at her lips. ]

But I don't want this to be about us apologizing over and over again about how horrible we were to each other. I don't— [ She pauses, swallowing down a lump in her throat. ] I don't want our friendship to just be the both of us constantly trying to make up for what was said.

...If you would still call it that, I mean.

[ souji continues to hold onto his shoulder, massaging it as he alternates between tightening and loosening his grip on it. he remains silent for a moment, taking in what she says. he hasn't once looked away from her since they started this conversation. at the very least, the one thing that he's good at is dealing with confrontations or these sorts of talks seriously. ]

[ it's a few seconds before he speaks up again and it's just a single question that he asks: ]

... so you still want to be friends after everything?

[ Lucille takes a slow breath, closing her eyes like she's mentally preparing herself for something. This isn't fair, Souji. This isn't fair.

Slowly, she steps away from the tree she was leaning against. Closing the space between them, the smile on her face is gone, left with a somewhat contrite frown. Looking up at him, she pauses, before rising up on her toes and lightly knocking her knuckles against his forehead. ]

You're doing it again.

[ Lowering herself down, she heaves a weighty sigh before offering an awkward smile up at him. She's been wearing her heart on her sleeve this entire time, and he's still acting like this? He's hopeless.

There are tears in her eyes (and a weird feeling in her hands, oddly enough. kind of tingly?), her voice wavering and raw. ]

What did I just tell you? I'm not going anywhere. You're really thick-headed, you know.

[ She shakes her hand out to punctuate her punch line. Get it? ]

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